Today I tried my hand at a hunger strike. They've upped my meals to 18 ml of milk every 3 hours. I started by lulling my captors into a false sense of security by accepting the food just fine. Then I barfed. Unfortunately, the guards seemed totally unfazed by my technique. Mom, on the other hand, was not happy with me. I got a whole (bo-oring) lecture about escaping any way I wanted, but that hunger strikes of any kind were prohibited. Then she started yammering about something called "liquid gold" and "the time she spent" and starving children in the world. Blah, blah, blah. To be honest, I stopped listening. Dad was cool. He told me that I have a velvet tummy, just like his. He said I should eat what the guards give me and take it easy. Apparently, there's no need to rush my escape plan because the getaway car isn't ready -- no car seat. I told him I'd think about it. In the meantime, the guards have called my bluff and are keeping me at 18 ml. News flash: I just discovered my thumb. It's awesome. When it's positioned just right, it knocks me out like a light. I hope I can find it again.
Here's a tip. When the time comes to attempt your great escape, distract your mom by leaving the most recent copy of US Weekly on the chair. You'll get double the distraction time with the latest Nordstrom catalog placed strategically beneath it. Then, get a sympathetic guard to ask your dad all casual like, "You know what I've always wondered - what is the difference between dark matter and dark energy?" To be followed up with a, "But do neutrinos really have mass, I mean really?"
sorry it's taken me a few to get to this. I tried sending in messages through the guards, but they pocket the bribes and can't execute (note this - it's probably how you ended up in Supermax instead of minimum security). Just wanted to make sure you had the intel: The East Coast plan is locked down. The rooms are scrubbed of lint and the streets are open, as planned.
We've got Mario stationed, and Louis and Knuckles are waiting. As you requested, your Hennessy is waiting. Aged and slightly warmed.
Baby Isaac-
ReplyDeleteHere's a tip. When the time comes to attempt your great escape, distract your mom by leaving the most recent copy of US Weekly on the chair. You'll get double the distraction time with the latest Nordstrom catalog placed strategically beneath it. Then, get a sympathetic guard to ask your dad all casual like, "You know what I've always wondered - what is the difference between dark matter and dark energy?" To be followed up with a, "But do neutrinos really have mass, I mean really?"
You'll have 20 minutes, easy, to make your break!
Peace out kid. See you on the outside.
Aunt Tracy
Is' -
ReplyDeletesorry it's taken me a few to get to this. I tried sending in messages through the guards, but they pocket the bribes and can't execute (note this - it's probably how you ended up in Supermax instead of minimum security). Just wanted to make sure you had the intel: The East Coast plan is locked down. The rooms are scrubbed of lint and the streets are open, as planned.
We've got Mario stationed, and Louis and Knuckles are waiting. As you requested, your Hennessy is waiting. Aged and slightly warmed.
More soon.