I'm not fat, I'm big boned

Dad's been making fun of me for being too fat. I keep trying to tell him I'm just big boned, but he's having none of it. In fact, he's forced me  to post his so-called "argument" here in pictocumentary form. 

<Dad's voice>
Exhibit A:  Isaac's knuckles each have their own dimple.

Exhibit B: His chin is only distinguishable as the intersection between three pudges.

Exhibit C: Isaac's ankle's have two fat rolls each, and the arch of his foot arches the wrong way. 

Exhibit D: Isaac most resembles a (cute) bowling ball with fat little chub hands.

So tell me what you think.  Fat?  Or just big boned?

Election 2012

This election stuff is awesome. Mitt Obama is definitely the best candidate, and I hope he wins soonest. I've been riveted all day:

But as the conclusion draws near, I find it just can't keep my eyes open. I hope that Barack Romney guy does well...

Rocktober

You may have noticed that I didn't post very much in October. That's because I was too busy rocking out. I rocked out so much that I gained almost 2lbs. in 4 weeks. I rocked out so much, that I met a Great-Aunt, a Great-Uncle and all of my grandparents for the first time. I rocked out so much, in fact, that I no longer have to sleep between feedings. It's been a big month. 

In honor of Rocktober and to welcome in Movember (when I try to grow my first mustache), I'm going to present a chronological photo gallery, with dates and captions. Then you can decide whether or not I rocked Rocktober.  (As always, click on a photo to make it larger.)

October 7, 2012:  Mom says my posture "leaves something to be desired"

October 14, 2012: I'm rocking the robes, just chillin' in SoCal.

October 14, 2012:  I'll even smiled for the camera. Once. 

October 19, 2012: What the heck is this vibrating monkey trying to do to me?

October 20, 2012: I'm just cute. Compare with this post- Dress Rehearsal from Sept. 11 

October 23, 2012: I'm a pea. In a pod! It's my Halloween costume.

October 23, 2012: Dad loves this picture. It looks like I'm falling. (I'm not, I promise.)

October 31, 2012:  Happy Halloween! I'm saving the cutest for last.

 

Modern day publishing

This blogging business is hard work. It puts me to sleep every time:

I don't know how people ever published on paper. Exhausting!

There is no other news fit to print, but I'll blog a little anyway.
In my milestones this week, I've managed to:

• Pee on Dad during a diaper change, after first distracting him with a stealth poop
• Poop on Dad during a diaper change, after first distracting him with a stealth pee
• Pee on Mom during a diaper change, while Dad was doing the changing. She was just an innocent bystander...
• Visit the ophthalmologist and get my eyes dilated

The eye doctor was good. After I got over the whole "extremely-bright-light-in-my-dilated-eye trick", it was easy.  He said my eyes were a "little immature." 

I said, "Can it, Doc. I'm not supposed to be born until next Wednesday." 

Today's not-terribly-flattering fat baby picture:

Minimum security

Compared to my last lockup, this is definitely a minimum security joint. No radio alarm tag, no guards at the door, and no 24/7 phalanx of wardens. Unfortunately, the guards here still do a pretty good job of swaddling me, putting me behind bars, and locking me into a car seat. Very few chances to escape.

The only place I'm truly, completely free is during my bath:

Ironically, its so awesome and warm that I fall asleep before I remember to escape. I hate irony.

Dictation and Conversion Efficiency

Some of my loyal readers may have noticed an absence of new posts. A hiatus, if you will. Dada Culpa. That's right, I've been busy composing a new post every day, but Dad's been dropping the ball. I only recently discovered his perfidy and have taken steps to correct the situation. While Dad has been training me to sleep at night (instead of during the day), I've been training him to take dictation. Dad has now learned to type while I lay on him during our morning Kangaroo Time. Finally, we can get some real work done. The rate of mistakes will doubtless increase -- he's no Isaac F -- but hopefully the rate of posting will increase as well.

So for our inaugural dictated post, I'd like to thank Grampa Waldman for his insightful comments on conversion efficiency. Indeed, our previous post, Not an Angel, was completely and totally incorrect. It turns out I've been gaining weight at just over 2 ounces per day instead of 1 ounce. The chart I presented then is complete BS. Here's what it should look like instead:

What's that you say?  It looks almost exactly like the last plot? You're right! I still generate a truly enormous amount of piss and poop and only a little bit of new Isaac. 

Hidden in that little green wedge is the information that I now weight about 7 pounds, 11 ounces.  In case you don't believe me, here's a few photos of my awesome new double chin to convince you:

Isaacfornia Roll

We met the Pediatrician for the first time yesterday.  This process was not that much fun.  First, they paraded me around naked onto a scale, a tape measure, a slip and slide, etc...  Then the doctor completely manhandled me (babyhandled me?) in search of I don't know what. Pokes, prods, lights, listens -- I got the works. At the end of it, all she said was "What a cute baby!"

Wasn't that obvious at first glance?! What was all that poking really necessary?

Three things came out of this visit.  

1. The Doc is prompt. We like prompt.
2. I can add "Tummy Time" to my training. When I'm awake, I get to start practicing the "Roll" and the "Crawl under the Barbed Wire" for my escape.
3. I am putting on weight like a champ in training. Since last week, I have gained 15 ounces! I now weight 6 lb. 12 ounces.  Sweet.  

These things together lead to some great new exercises. For instance, may I present the "Isaacfornia Roll":

Front to back!  Not to brag, but I'm totally ahead of the curve on this maneuver. Next step, side-to-side. Then, Escape Part Deux!