Modern day publishing

This blogging business is hard work. It puts me to sleep every time:

I don't know how people ever published on paper. Exhausting!

There is no other news fit to print, but I'll blog a little anyway.
In my milestones this week, I've managed to:

• Pee on Dad during a diaper change, after first distracting him with a stealth poop
• Poop on Dad during a diaper change, after first distracting him with a stealth pee
• Pee on Mom during a diaper change, while Dad was doing the changing. She was just an innocent bystander...
• Visit the ophthalmologist and get my eyes dilated

The eye doctor was good. After I got over the whole "extremely-bright-light-in-my-dilated-eye trick", it was easy.  He said my eyes were a "little immature." 

I said, "Can it, Doc. I'm not supposed to be born until next Wednesday." 

Today's not-terribly-flattering fat baby picture:

Minimum security

Compared to my last lockup, this is definitely a minimum security joint. No radio alarm tag, no guards at the door, and no 24/7 phalanx of wardens. Unfortunately, the guards here still do a pretty good job of swaddling me, putting me behind bars, and locking me into a car seat. Very few chances to escape.

The only place I'm truly, completely free is during my bath:

Ironically, its so awesome and warm that I fall asleep before I remember to escape. I hate irony.

Dictation and Conversion Efficiency

Some of my loyal readers may have noticed an absence of new posts. A hiatus, if you will. Dada Culpa. That's right, I've been busy composing a new post every day, but Dad's been dropping the ball. I only recently discovered his perfidy and have taken steps to correct the situation. While Dad has been training me to sleep at night (instead of during the day), I've been training him to take dictation. Dad has now learned to type while I lay on him during our morning Kangaroo Time. Finally, we can get some real work done. The rate of mistakes will doubtless increase -- he's no Isaac F -- but hopefully the rate of posting will increase as well.

So for our inaugural dictated post, I'd like to thank Grampa Waldman for his insightful comments on conversion efficiency. Indeed, our previous post, Not an Angel, was completely and totally incorrect. It turns out I've been gaining weight at just over 2 ounces per day instead of 1 ounce. The chart I presented then is complete BS. Here's what it should look like instead:

What's that you say?  It looks almost exactly like the last plot? You're right! I still generate a truly enormous amount of piss and poop and only a little bit of new Isaac. 

Hidden in that little green wedge is the information that I now weight about 7 pounds, 11 ounces.  In case you don't believe me, here's a few photos of my awesome new double chin to convince you: